Are you wondering if it’s worth investing time and money in hiring a divorce coach when you’re likely to receive a hefty lawyer’s bill? Let me explain why:
Divorce is now so common that its devastating effects have become normalised. However, it remains the second most traumatic life experience according to the index scale of life stressors, ranking only after close bereavement. Many divorce survivors even consider it the most distressing event of their lives. With half of all marriages ending and the rise in 'grey divorce', that's a lot of tears, trauma, and wounded families. But there is help available! Divorce coaching, though a relatively new branch of 'life coaching', offers significant benefits. It can greatly ease and potentially shorten a client's experience of separation and divorce, and it also supports them in moving forward and co-parenting in the future.
Every client presents a unique blend of circumstances, experiences, and feelings to coaching, which is why the service is tailored to meet individual needs. All clients, even those who initiated the split, bring strong emotions and seek unbiased, judgment-free guidance with a substantial dose of compassion. Separation is similar to bereavement. The initial response is the same, and many symptoms persist: numbness, gut-wrenching tears, sleeplessness, appetite change, anxiety, and depression. This is partly due to it triggering the attachment and emotional wounds of our past. And that's why I begin the coaching process by listening to my client’s feelings of grief and loss, and exploring the grief and mourning process before providing coping strategies. This often serves as a light bulb moment for those struggling to understand overwhelming, and often conflicting, emotions.
Coaching can guide and assist people as they contemplate or prepare for divorce. Those already undergoing the process often feel let down when they realise their lawyer isn't interested in the minor details of their spouse’s behaviour, the ongoing conflicts, or their struggle to cope, as these aspects don't affect the legal settlement and process. Clients may spend considerable time and money on calls and meetings, mistakenly believing their lawyer’s role includes providing the sympathy and emotional support they desperately need. However, lawyers offer neither! Their skill set and expertise are focused on securing the best financial settlement and ensuring the legal process reaches completion. The lack of personal concern can further intensify their client's feelings of hurt and rejection during this critical period.
Having supportive friends and family is essential, and while some may be invaluable, they can rarely provide continuous support and will always have their own biases. They're also busy managing their own lives. Counselling can assist clients in coping with and healing from trauma, but it has its limitations. It doesn’t focus on identifying and developing personal strengths, nor does it offer practical, goal-oriented guidance and daily coping strategies like coaching does. During separation and divorce, individuals seek information, emotional management, and practical guidance. They need someone to help them understand the process, navigate its ups and downs, and offer neutral guidance from beginning to end. Divorce coaching has emerged to fill this crucial gap; it’s less expensive than a lawyer’s time and offers substantial value. It’s an investment in yourself that will yield returns far beyond the divorce paperwork. The question is: can you afford to go without it?
To discuss coaching further you can book a free call with Louise at:
Source:
Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, University of Washington, 1967
Divorce is second out of a list of 43 life stressors. This scale is widely used by health professionals.
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